"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." – Buddha
Understanding Relationships, Self-Sabotage, and how we create what we feel we deserve.
Healthy relationships are essential to our well-being, yet many of us struggle with self-sabotage and people-pleasing behaviors that undermine these connections. Self-sabotage involves engaging in actions that create problems and interfere with long-term goals, while people-pleasing is the act of prioritising others' needs and desires at the expense of one’s own well-being. Both behaviors significantly impact emotions, personal life, work life, and relationships. Our past experiences create a blueprint for how we engage in relationships, this subconscious framework creates belief systems, thought processes and behaviours that match how we ultimately view ourselves based on the experiences we have had. Relationship therapy london is available across the globe, and i have had the pleasure to witness my clients grow into creating deeply meaningful and beautiful new relationships.
Manifestation and Impact
Self-sabotage in relationships can manifest as pushing partners away, creating conflict, or setting unrealistic expectations that lead to disappointment. This behavior often stems from a fear of vulnerability and intimacy, resulting in negative outcomes that reinforce the belief that relationships are unsafe or unfulfilling.
People-pleasing manifests as a constant effort to gain approval and avoid conflict. Individuals who people-please may struggle to express their true feelings or needs, leading to resentment and burnout. This behavior can lead to one-sided relationships where one person’s needs are consistently prioritised over the other’s, causing emotional imbalance and dissatisfaction.
Feeling unloveable or holding low self worth creates a cycle whereby we allow unkind behaviour to occur and continue or we reject the relationships that we know can be good for us and welcome the relationships we know aren't, and yet we can feel powerless or uncertain as to why this happens.
In personal life, these behaviors can erode self-esteem and self-worth, leading to a pervasive sense of inadequacy and frustration. In the workplace, self-sabotage might result in missed opportunities or unfulfilled potential, while people-pleasing can lead to overcommitment and stress. In relationships, both behaviors create barriers to genuine connection and mutual respect, often resulting in strained or dysfunctional dynamics.
The Subconscious Dynamics
The subconscious mind plays a critical role in self-sabotage and people-pleasing behaviors. Past experiences, especially those involving rejection, abandonment, or criticism, leave deep imprints on the subconscious. These experiences shape our beliefs about ourselves and our relationships, often leading to patterns of behavior aimed at self-protection.
Trauma weaves through these behaviors by reinforcing negative beliefs and patterns. For instance, someone who has experienced emotional, physical, or sexual abuse may subconsciously sabotage relationships to avoid the pain of being hurt again, or they may become a people-pleaser to ensure others stay close.
Five Signs of Self-Sabotage and People-Pleasing
Attracting the Wrong Partners: Consistently choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable or abusive.
Using Sex as a Way to Gain Affection: Engaging in sexual activity to feel loved or validated rather than for mutual enjoyment.
Putting Up with Unkind Treatment: Accepting poor treatment from others in an effort to avoid conflict or gain approval.
Fear of Intimacy: Avoiding close relationships or creating distance to protect oneself from potential hurt.
Overcommitment: Taking on too many responsibilities to please others, leading to stress and burnout.
Approaching These Behaviours and Hypnotherapy
My approach to addressing self-sabotage and people-pleasing focuses on understanding and healing the underlying issues within the subconscious mind. Hypnotherapy is a powerful tool that helps individuals identify and transform these deep-seated patterns and beliefs.
Integrative Hypnotherapy for relationships includes :
Identifying Root Causes: Exploring the subconscious to uncover the experiences and beliefs that drive these behaviors.
Reframing Negative Beliefs: Changing negative thought patterns and replacing them with positive, empowering beliefs.
Healing Past Trauma: Providing a safe space to process and heal from past experiences that have shaped these behaviors.
Developing Healthy Boundaries: Equipping individuals with strategies to assert their needs and desires without fear of rejection or conflict.
Empowering Self-Worth: Encouraging individuals to build a strong sense of self-worth and confidence, allowing them to engage in healthier, more balanced relationships.
Self-sabotage and people-pleasing are complex behaviors rooted in the subconscious mind and past experiences. Healing these patterns requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to confront and transform deeply ingrained beliefs.
Embrace the journey towards healthier relationships and self-acceptance, where each step brings you closer to a life of balance, peace, and fulfillment. Through hypnotherapy and a compassionate approach, we can transform the impact of self-sabotage and people-pleasing, allowing individuals to reclaim their lives and build genuine, fulfilling connections.